Random
by Yorik
Summary: An ordinary day in the lives of the viciously psychotic group of psycho psychopaths, collectively termed as the Jupongattana!


**0.0**

**RANDOM**

**NOTES: The begining of a new para/section is denoted by : - (ta)**

Let it be known to those who do not know that the Jupongattana is a ruthlessly psychotic group of assassins, led by the phychotic-er ShishiO-sama – Kenshin's evil enemy. Therefore it is highly unlikely that one will find the ever-psycho Jupongattana being as feminine as mentioned below.

**Diclaimer : Rurouni Kenshin and it's characters are property of Noubiro Watsuki and other people whom I don't know ie: VIZ I only own this story, Iwanbo's onigiri and ShishiO-sama's Battousai Voodoo plushie™.**

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An ordinary day in the lives of the viciously psychotic group of psycho psychopaths, collectively termed as the Jupongattana!

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Once upon a time, in a far away land, there lived a vicious old burnt up sausage by the ungainly name of Shishio, more commonly known to his pathetic followers as "Shishi-O sama."

Anyway, this ShishiO-sama had a slutty yet ok-ish looking _thing_ for a girlfriend, named Yumi (more commonly known to ShishiO-sama's pathetic followers as 'that hot babe').

ShishiO-sama also had one very scary yet faithful follower, who freaked people out mainly by smiling like some sort of psychopath. This happy psychopath's name was Soujiro.

Soujiro was part of an even scarier and more psychotic group of psychopaths, collectively known as the Jupongattana. However, since their individual names are unknown to this poor authoress, she will have to call them X, Y and Z.

Anyway, this story, much to the surprise of the authoress as to yours, is ACTUALLY going somewhere. Yes. There is a plot. I think.

So, let us see where all this is going.

Anyway, Chou, one of the more psychotic members of the psychotic group of psychopaths (collectively termed as the Jupongattana) nicknamed 'broom-head', decided to take a walk. He looked up at the sky and thought, 'what a nice sky'. He looked at some blooming flowers and thought, 'what pretty flowers!', and when he saw one of the peasant women walk by, he thought, 'what a nice ass...'

So, while all of this was happening, God slipped on a banana peel and dropped the huge, heavenly anvil he was carrying.

"Oops!" said God, before he shrugged off the matter and walked back to where all the heavenly anvils are kept. There was plenty more of where the first came from. Even better ones, in fact.

Anyway, unbeknownst to Chou, this huge heavenly anvil was hurtling towards Earth, and if he didn't move out of it's way it would surely flatten him.

And as I said, he =**_was=_** unaware of the danger hurtling towards Earth (And his head).

We all know what happens here.

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ShishO was mad.

Utterly bonkers.

Yumi tut-tutted. "Such a shame," she sighed, holding her head with her hands.

"Come, dearest!" laughed ShishiO psychotically. "The strong survive and the weak get beaten to a bloody pulp by my viciously psychotic group of psychopaths, collectively termed as the Jupongattana!"

Yumi groaned. 'Oh, no,' she thought, 'not _that_ crap again!'

ShishiO laughed again. "Look, love," he cried, brandishing a little Kenshin plushie with little pins stuck into it. "A Battousai voodoo plushie!" He tossed it into the air and caught it with one of his particularly burnt hands. "Guaranteed to work or your money back! What do you think of that, eh?"

Yumi sighed exasperatedly and yawned, loudly and uncouthly. She didn't really care anymore. "Very nice." She murmured indifferently. She sat up and stretched clumsily before collapsing into thought again. Unlike her psychotically psychotic other half.

"What I need to do," said Yumi to herself, "is to ditch this psychotic burnt sausage and go for one of the leading male characters in this anime." She turned to look as ShishiO, who was now dangling the Kenshin plushie over a pot of bubbling tar and chanting, "Weak get smushed! Die, die, die!"

Yumi shook her head despairingly. "Now," she wondered aloud, "Which bishounen is fit enough?"

("Ohohoho!" cried ShishiO, "Persish!")

There was Kenshin, the red-headed, laundry-loving eccentric with a cheery disposition. She ticked off the plus points in a little notepad.

1. Cooks

2.Cleans

3.Does the Laundry

4.Has an okay body for one of the more scrawnier types in this tale

5.Has sexy long red hair

6.Has sexy eyes

She then set about thinking of everything that was wrong with him.

1.Is a midget

2.Has dual personalities

3.Has an inferiority complex

4.Tried and succeeded in killing ShishiO

5.Has a gay sense of fashion

6.Has almost no sense of humor

7.Obsessed with past

8.Has a psychotic girlfriend whose psychoticity rivals that of ShishiO's  
and his group of psychotic psychopaths, collectively termed as the Jupongattana.

9.Has a reverse edged sword, which is psychotic in itself.

10.Has no power over any minions or the government whatsoever.  
  
And last but not least, 

11.Is a '_goodie_'!

Yumi shuddered. '_A goodie_?' she thought. '_That's a definite no-no._' No, her man had to be one who was tall and mean, with a dirty past and a dirty disposition. She looked at ShishiO again, who was at this point was impaling the Kenshin plushie on a toothpick. "Bwa hahahaha!!" he cried, and with one flick of the toothpick sent the little Kenshin Plushie flying into a bowl of fire. Yes, a _bowl_ of fire. Anyway, the plushie screamed and hopped out of its hellishly hot doom to Yumi's bishounen notepad. It burst into flames, so Yumi was unable to make any more bishounen lists.

Like we care, right?

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Anyway, Chou, still unconscious, was intercepted by one cross-dressing psychoticity, Kamatari. 'Ooh dearie me,' thought Kamatari, viewing the broom brother on the ground. He giggled girlishly and kicked him with his foot. Obviously, there was no response. So he kicked a little harder. It didn't help. This resulted in Kamatari aiming a super-combo sized kick at the poor dolt lying on the rocky floor; therefore sending him flying into God-knows-where, towards the direction of the Andes.

HOWEVER, because this fic observes the law of gravity, Chou did NOT end up in the Andes. No. Instead, he landed, a bloody mess, on top of one eerie ex-Shinsengumi-turned-cop, Hajime Saitou.

Unfortunately for this poor, broom-headed individual, Saitou was having a bad day. A VERY bad day, in fact, one that had started out with a badly placed pun by his wife Tokio, followed by a rather chaotic brawl at the fishmonger's in the market place.

We won't get into detail, but lets just say that Saitou came back to his office with fish-guts dangling off his hawkish nose and a strange, fishy odor wafting around him.

What was worse...

Saitou hated fish.

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Usui was in the kitchen baking again. He enjoyed cooking. Heck, he loved it! The fact that he was only completely blind didn't daunt him in the least. No, not at all. He was a natural. A born chef – one who would strike the hearts of every creature on the planet through his food. He sighed and felt along the counter for his little timer. Having picked up a turnip instead, he stared hopelessly at what he hoped was its direction and tut-tutted impressively.

He sniffed the air gingerly and wrinkled his nose. "Urgh," he exclaimed, waving his hand in front of his face. Something was starting to stink of burning rubber. If his worst fears were realized, the poisonous stench would completely ruin his banana and cinnamon soufflé. How horrific.

Soujiro, upon smelling the abovementioned stench, rushed hurriedly into the kitchen with a fire extinguisher. 

"Where's the fire?"

Usui spun round to face the cabinet. "What fire? Where?!"

Soujiro came to a halt in front of him and smiled. "Oh, it's only you, Usui-san."

"Fire?! Where's the fire? Save my soufflé!"

Soujiro frowned uncertainly for a moment before spinning Usui round to face him. "There's no fire, Usui-san," he assured.

Usui put his hands on what he assumed were his hips and glared angrily into nothingness. "Seta! Don't you know better than to play wicked jokes on me when I'm baking?"

Soujiro smiled. "Aah, I'm sorry." He sniffed the air again. "Um...so what is it you're making?"

"Soufflé. Can't you tell?"

"Um..."

"Banana and cinnamon. I'm trying out a new recipe."

Soujiro bent down and peered warily into the oven, which was now emitting voluminous quantities of black smoke. "Oh," he said. "Are you?"

Usui smiled eerily. "Ah. Why don't you sit down and have a bite?"

"Um...I'm actually on my way to meet ShishiO-sama now, Usui-san."

"Oh! You can take him some too!"

Soujiro's smile faltered. "It's quite alright, Usui-san."

"No, no! Please! I do want a second opinion- ShishiO will be perfect for the job."

"ShishiO-_SAMA_," corrected Soujiro.

Usui took a deep breath before he began to wheeze and cough. "This rubbishy stench is sure to defile this soufflé."

Soujiro was tempted to point out that the vile stench WAS the soufflé. Instead, he just decided to do something much more intelligent. Keep his mouth shut. Then, when Usui's back was turned, Soujiro fled from the scene like a monkey with its tail on fire. The blind swordsman, however, failed to notice this and continued babbling mindlessly. He laughed heartily at one of his own jokes and when Soujiro failed to respond, he began to get slightly nervous.

"Soujiro? Soujiro!? Oh! Some evil creature has kidnapped Soujiro whilst my back was turned! What a fiend – a clever one too – one who knows that my weakest moment is when I am in the kitchen baking!" He squinted in an attempt to look for the cheerfully psychotic Tenken, but to no avail. "SOUJIRO!?"

Usui fell to his knees with one last heart-rending cry.

_"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"_

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'Tree. Rock. Bird. Tree. Tree. Tree. Rock. Pebble. Tree. Stick.'

A bird began to sing.

'Bird. Kill. No, be at peace...be calm...'

The bird tried to pitch higher.

'KILL. KILL. KILL. KILL IT NOW- No, be calm...the bird is good...the bird is-"

The bird was joined by another of its kind and together the two proceeded to trill away.

'The bird is DEAD.'

Suddenly a host of birdies arrived, twittering and twottering away in a state of self-imposed ecstasy.

"FUTAE NO KIWAMI!!!"

A cloud of dust was thrown into the air, and for a minute, nothing could be seen or heard save for the final, pitiful warblings of the feathered creatures. Then, after the rubble settled, Anji smiled and sang eerily to himself.

"There will be no more birdies, sitting on the wall..."

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Iwanbo was in one of his rare intellectual moods. He stared at the onigiri in his hands and sighed.

"To eat, or not to eat – that is the question."

The onigiri looked particularly good that day. Their dark skins gleamed in the morning sunlight and the pearly-white rice seemed to radiate with splendor. Iwanbo licked his lips and stared hungrily at them. 'No,' he told himself. He was going to have to think through this tough situation by himself.

'If I eat my onigiri NOW, then I'll be full.'

He looked at the pile of onigiri on his left.

'If I DON'T eat my onigiri now, I'll be hungry.'

The pile on the right drew his attention.

'If I eat my onigiri NOW, then no one ELSE can eat them...'

He scratched his head.

'If I DON'T eat my onigiri now, then CHOU will eat them...'

He looked around.

'But Chou isn't here...'

He laughed.

'But if Chou isn't here,' he contemplated, 'then...then...someone ELSE could eat my onigiri!'

He did a sharp intake of breath.

'Onigiri...So...if I SAT here ALL day, then NO ONE can eat my onigiri!"

He smiled.

'Hah. Let's see them try to eat MY onigiri, NOW!'

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Soujiro paused for a moment at the doorway of the fencing room where Iwanbo was staring at onigiri. He did a double take and stared in bewilderment for a moment before carrying on to ShishiO's quarters. The largest member of the Jupongattana, in HIS opinion, was also clearly the stupidest.

He paused for a moment outside ShishiO's door and contemplated knocking. If he knocked, chances were that either ShishiO would get mad and threaten to burn Soujiro to bits, or he would want moisturizing cream spread on his skin. Soujiro shuddered. The latter was obviously worse. Would he risk his sanity to convey a message of the utmost importance to ShishiO-sama? (ALL HAIL SHISHo-SAMA)

He decided to take his chances. He knocked timidly. 

"ShishiO-sama?"

The muffled chants of "weak get smushed! Die, die die!" ceased abruptly and the door swung open. ShishiO's ungainly, brown, wrinkled face peered out from the crack, his eyes narrowed with suspicion.

"What do YOU want?"

"Oh, ShishiO-sama," said Soujiro, smiling to hide his unease, "I just came by to warn you that...um..."

"What?!"

"...Um...that Usui-san is baking again, and he...um....wanted you to test his...uh..._souffl_."

ShishiO groaned. "Again?"

"Yes...um...again."

"Well, tell him I'm not in!"

"I'm afraid that won't work, O psychotic master of utmost power and deception, he heard your psychotic chanting from downstairs."

"Hmm...that is a bit of a drawback, isn't it?"

"Quite so."

"Has the Battousai arrived yet?"

"He's already left, your psychotic-ness."

"_Damn_."

"What do you suggest we do, master?"

"Kill him?"

Soujiro shook his head violently. "Oh no. You wouldn't want that! Usui-san is a valuable asset!"

"Why?"

"Because HE kills. It saves us time and energy."

"But not money. Tell me, Soujiro. How much do we pay him?"

"Quite a lot."

"Do you think he'd stop all this nonsense if we paid him double?"

"I doubt it."

"Triple?"

"No..."

"Quadruple?"

"Uh huh...."

"We're doomed..."

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"What the **HELL** are _YOU_ doing back here?!"

"Spare me!"

Saitou snarled venomously, "Why aren't you back with **THEM** spying for me?"

"I got kicked by a homosexual!!"

"LIES!! DIE, YOU PATHETIC EXCUSE FOR A HUMAN BEING!"

Saitou started chasing him around his office with his katana.

"Save me, somebody!" cried Chou desperately.

"**_DIE!!"_**

"HELP! HELP! HE'S GONE MAD!!"

Saitou picked up the vase from on top of a cabinet and hurled it at him. It hit Chou on the head, making him fall down, unconscious as usual. The policeman smiled eerily.

"Aku. Soku. Zan."

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"_Ouch!"_

Henya did a sharp intake of breath as the needle pierced his tender flesh. Crochet was sometimes rather painful. He would have simply stuck to the usual needle and thread, but today he felt..._daring_.

He stared at the tiny steel rod in his hands and twirled the free one around. Ah, such a delicate pastime was the wonderful art of knitting and all things included. He sighed. Now, where did he put that wonderful pullover? He tucked his small woolen work of art back into one of the many cases he had lying about the room and drew up a clothes hamper. It contained all the clothes that needed to be mended; they were not necessarily all his.

He plucked a tabi (Japanese sock) correct me if I'm wrong and tut-tutted despairingly. Houji was clearly unable to look after his socks. He put it aside to darn. The next item from the basket was a beautiful silk obi that had unfortunately got a hole in the middle. Kamatari must have been fighting in his best kimono again. Henya sighed. He really wished that Kamatari would be more effeminate. 'But then again,' he reasoned, Kamatari WAS a man, despite his alarming tendencies.

Henya moved slightly so that his make-shift wings weren't digging into his back as venomously as before and pulled out one of his darts. One of ShishiO's vain attempts to construct a 'Battousai Voodoo plushie™' was the result of the mess of thread/cloth in his hands. Gently, he started to unpick all the haphazard stitches and poor workmanship. His master may have been a criminal mastermind, but was otherwise quite incapable of doing anything else.

After a good fifteen minutes of re-sewing, ShishiO-sama's fist attempt at a Battousai Voodoo plushie™ had been turned into a beautiful work of art – namely a pretty red-haired girl in a fluffy pink dress and large, cute, amber eyes. Henya smiled before cuddling his creation to his chest.

"Your name, precious," he crooned, "will be Annabelle."

After placing Annabelle on a makeshift bed to sleep, Henya picked up the next item of clothing from the hamper. He was happier now that his other dolls would have one more member to welcome to their family. It especially pained him to send his beloveds to the dreaded Soujirou's room not only because they were HIS works of art – but because he too, like the tenken, had a passion for playing with toys. He sighed.

'_I wonder how they're doing now...'_

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Upon having escaped Usui's deadly cooking, Soujiro retired to his room in order to experience some of the finer things in life – namely dolls. One could call it reliving his childhood – but the remaining members of the psychotic group of psychopaths collectively termed as the Jupongattana [ the rest had been killed by either ShishiO, Kenshin, Soujirou and Usui, who had tested some of his earlier concoctions on them] preferred to call the boy (and I quote) "Just plain weird."

Soujiro Pulled out several Barbie dolls™ from a box and arranged them daintily in a row. Henya's homemade ones were next – followed by three Ken™ dolls and one Groovy Girl™.

"Now," said Soujiro to his inanimate friends, "we are in a hair salon. That means, Barbie, that I'll be doing your hair again." He held her up, fingering her long, golden tresses. "Aah," he sighed, "your hair is so out of style. When did I last brush it? What, Barbie-chan? What did you say?" Soujiro listened intently, nodding every now and then. "Ah, three days ago! Oh my! How could I have forgotten!? What...? Don't worry? Why?"

The Barbie™ seemed to smile reassuringly as it "replied".

"What? _Henya!?_ Henya-san was _here_!?! And he brushed your _hair_?!"

He made the Barbie™ nod.

Soujiro frowned. "We will have to have a word with him, won't we, Barbie-chan?"

With that, Soujiro took to his feet and swept his beloved Barbie™ to Henya's room.

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Saidzuchi Rouji and Fuji, meanwhile, were out in town, shopping for Usui's next (dreaded) delicacy. The market place was especially busy at that time because, like rush-hour traffic, there is a peak time for anything and everything. Fuji sauntered by the fishmonger's; paying no attention to the occasional cat that was squashed to death beneath his feet. After all, one can rarely be both large AND graceful at the same time.

"Stop here, Fuji" directed Rouji from his perch. "Usui-san wanted some tofu."

Fuji grunted and came to a halt by the tofu stall.

"Hello?" called Rouji. "Hellooo?"

The vendor, in a state near panic, had fainted clean away. Or perhaps it is better to say dirty, for as it is usually the case that was the hygienic condition of the ground. Fuji sniffed.

"There, there," consoled his rat-faced friend. "He's very sensitive," he informed the large crowd that had gathered round to peer unethically at the giant. Rouji then reached forward to wipe a lone tear that was in danger of forming a small puddle on the dusty street. Having done this, Rouji looked closely at the unconscious vendor, and, being an evil genius (of sorts) decided to revive him.

By this time their audience had begun to thin. The tiny psychopath was left with nothing but a huge being (namely Fuji) to assist him. He hopped down from his companion's shoulders, and from his robes drew a bottle of....

Usui's homemade fish-and-tomato juice.

Needless to say, the tofu vendor was not only revived, but his sense of smell seemed to have been given a boost. Upon having sniffed the F&T juice, he sat up and, with a look of pure anguish, promptly vomited.

Then he fainted. Again.

Fuji and Rouji exchanged a pained look before the larger of the two simply picked up a bucket of tofu and carried on down the street.

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ShishiO had summoned the remaining members of the Jupongattana to a secret meeting in his secret underground panty-hose factory, where none of their enemies could find them.

"Well," began ShishiO, peering psychotically at his minions with beady black semi-burnt eyes, "you know why I have summoned you here, don't you?"

There was a chorus of "yes, perhaps, kind of "and some "no" s. ShishiO sighed.

"Didn't you get those leaflets that I've been distributing for the past week?"

Most of them shook their heads, whilst the remainder stared sheepishly at other objects. ShishiO groaned and pointed to Houji.

"Worm!" he barked. "Tell my minions why they have been summoned!"

Houji glanced at ShishiO momentarily as if to make sure he wasn't merely being psychotic. ShishiO, upon catching his eye, glared back, thus scaring the man into his tale.

"_Weeeell_," drawled Houji, "ShishiO-sama has found that group therapy works very well in the western world, and is therefore willing to let you share your concerns with him. This way, he hopes that you will all achieve a peaceful state of mind, so that you can work with greater efficiency."

ShishiO nodded. "Right, and as an example, Houji! You're first!"

"I'm..._first?_"

"Yes. Tell everyone what's been bothering you lately; and make it snappy! I have a meeting with my newest psychoticities to decide their fate...apparently they were caught-"

Soujiro coughed.

"**_What!?_**" growled ShishiO, angry at being interrupted. 

"ShishiO-sama, it is not wise for you to be revealing your thoughts here at this moment. There may be a traitor right in this very room! Besides," he pointed out, "it's not your turn yet."

ShishiO sulked for a moment before consenting. "Oh all right. Houji! Get on with it!"

"Oh! Umm...well, my socks have been giving me some trouble lately...that is, they're always wearing out..."

"Exactly! All the time his socks! They come to me torn, so I fix them! Then two days later, they're back in the torn/ripped/shredded hamper! I ask you, can't you be careful!"

"Henya, I **_am_** very careful! It's just that-"

"Well then it means that you need to buy yourself some more _tabi_! I can't be mending your things every two seconds! The others are justified – they fight for ShishiO-sama! But you! You do nothing but sit around and do paperwork! You are the _worst_ sock-owner I have ever met!"

There was a shocked silence. Houji then gave an injured sniff and turned his back to the psychotic tailor, who at that point was considering stabbing him with his many daggers.

ShishiO cleared his throat. "Next!"

Soujiro frowned cutely as he began to speak. "Well, I was with my Barbie-chan, styling her hair, when all of the sudden I noticed-"

Just then, Chou burst into the room, badly bruised and smelling of fish. Everyone hurriedly blocked his or her noses.

"Chou," gagged Houji, "where de hell hab you been?"

"Adnd what's happened to you?"

"Frigin hell," panted the man, throwing himself onto the floor. "I just had my ass kicked by _Kamatari_ and that freaky cop."

All eyes came rest upon Kamatari.

"Whaat?!" he asked, shrugging as if there was nothing that could have been done to rectify Chou's current state.

"Ahem!" coughed Soujiro loudly. "As I was saying, I was playing with Barbie-chan when we started talking about her hair and that sort of thing."

ShishiO nodded, his chin resting between his thumb and index finger. "Hmn...hair..."

"I told her, 'ah, Barbie-chan, your hair must be such a mess because I've neglected you for three days!'"

"Mmmhmm..."

"Then she told me not to worry, because _Henya_ has been taking care of her!"

Soujiro was clearly upset. Not only had he left out the honorific after Henya's name, he was no longer smiling. (And a Soujiro who isn't smiling isn't a healthy one). Unfortunately for him, none of the other members of the group of psychotic psychopaths (collectively termed as the Jupongattana) seemed to realize the gravity of the situation. In fact, they were all completely bored.

"So watcha sayin," drawled Chou, "is that the bastard stole ya girl?"

"Well, technically speaking," murmured Anji, "she isn't really a 'girl'; although she _does_ take on the appearance of a natural woman."

"A natural woman, huh? So now lil' Sou-chan's after older women, hmn? Hah! Just imagine _that_ little-"

"Please refrain from speaking," smiled Soujiro dangerously, "or I may be forced to extinguish your life-fire."

"Extinguish my _what?_"

The argument ceased abruptly as Usui ran into the room, carrying in a tin a substance of unknown origin that seemed to fill the room with a strange odor.

"He's gone!" wailed the blind swordsman. "Soujiro! He's gone! Kidnapped by those villainous Meiji officials!"

"_What the-!?"_

"Ahh! My back was turned for but a minute! He was laughing with me! Now, he's **GONE!!!**"

Soujiro stared confusedly for a moment before addressing the man. "Umm...exactly _who_ has disappeared, Usui-san?"

"Soujiro! My poor, sweet little Tenken! Oh, if I were to hold him in my arms once more, to _embrace _that simple child – oh! If only!"

"Oh, shut up!" snapped ShishiO, fairly miffed that he had not yet had the chance to reveal his own troubles. "Everyone's talking out of turn! Houji! This is unacceptable!"

"Well there's nothing I can really _do_..."

ShishiO bared his teeth.

"...Umm...so straight after Seta-san finishes, we'll go straight onto you!"

ShishiO grinned. "Good."

"Well, now that _that's_ solved...."

"Oh! It's my turn!"

"But I haven't finished yet!" explained Soujiro.

"Hurry up then!"

"Um... so in conclusion, I demand that something be done to the wicked Henya-san."

"Hear, hear!"

"Shut up, Houji," glared Henya.

"Boil him in tar," drawled ShishiO.

"Excellent choice, ShishiO-sama!"

"Castrate the bugger!"

Henya paled.

"Are you _crazy_, Chou?!"

"I think we should dress him in drag."

"What the hell, he **_IS_** in drag!"

"I resent that!"

"Well, I resent _you!_"

"I think everyone should just calm down for a moment..."

"Anji-san! Help! Help! Barbie's being mutilated!"

"Usui, put down the knife. That's it...good...good...NO!"

"_Barbie!"_

"This carrot soup will make everyone feel _much_ better."

"Usui-san! How _could_ you?!"

"Is plastic edible?"

"I don't think so...by the way, does this kimono make me look fat?"

"Fuji! Fuji! Are you alright?!"

"A dash of salt...a pinch of pepper..."

"Uh...that's _gunpowder,_ Usui-san."

"Is it?"

"Look! Fuji's been attacked by a...a...a vicious piece of plastic who's bent on taking over the world!"

"Hey, that's **_MY_** job!"

"That's Soujiro's girlfriend's arm!"

"There, there, Fuji..."

"Barbie! Speak to me!"

"Everyone _shut up!_ It's my turn! My turn, I tell you!"

"ShishiO-sama!_ Please,_ your blood pressure!"

Their 'friendly' argument was interrupted by a strange tapping noise.

"What's that?"

"I don't know..."

"ShishiO-sama, is this place..._haunted?_"

ShishiO shivered and drew Yumi closer to him for extra warmth. "It wasn't listed on the classified ad."

"Like that says anything."

"It says quite a lot, actually."

"Kamatari-san, I'm scared."

"Me too, Soujiro..."

"Don't worry," murmured Anji. "It's probably just a spirit trying to make its way to a better place...and God knows how many of those we have here..."

"I think it's coming from inside that old dying vat."

"The vat's dying?"

"No, I meant it was used for dying things."

"Don't you mean _killing_ things?"

"I mean it was used to mix several shades of fabric paint to add pigmentation to the otherwise dull-colored pantyhose material."

"_Ooh!"_

The tapping got louder.

"You!" barked ShishiO, pushing Houji forward. "Check it out!"

"M-me?!"

"Yes, you!"

"But I don't _want_ to..."

ShishiO glared.

"Maybe just a quick peek...."

Houji warily made his way to the large metal contraption and peered inside to find...

Absolutely nothing.

Just kidding! He peered in to find...

"Battousai?"

"That's Himura-_san_ to you!"

"Who?! What!?"

"It's the Battousai, ShishiO-sama."

"It's_ Kenshin_, de gozaru de!"

"Battousai!?"

"_Kenshin!"_

"Why are you here?! How did you find this place?!"

"Oh, _everyone_ knows about your not-so-secret underground pantyhose factory, Makoto-san."

"_What!?"_

"Why are you here, Himura Battousai?"

"That's Kenshin," reminded the rurouni. "Ah, and I came here to escape my pretty Kaoru-dono."

"I don't wonder why. Such a foul, unfeminine-"

"Please, Yumi-chan, we're trying to listen!"

"But it's **_my_** turn!"

"It all started last Wednesday when I was doing the laundry..."

"I hate doing laundry. The lather makes my skin so _rough!_"

"Oh, I found Barbie's leg!"

"Give it to me!"

"Henya!"

"...Kaoru-dono came up to me and requested that I go down to the market place to buy some tofu..."

"I wonder how Shinomori copes..."

"It's my turn, dammit! Houji! Kill them!"

"But it was just getting interesting!"

"...Sano was obviously quite shocked, so I decided that I'd try to cheer him up..."

"Usui-san, I think that soup's a tad bit over-cooked..."

"...Kaoru-dono didn't think that that was a very _hygienic_ option, so she..."

"Oh, no! Henya-kun! My obi's torn again!"

"Kamatari!"

"Here's a present for you, Soujiro – as a token of my apologies."

"Ooh! What's her name?"

"Anabelle."

"Hey," said Kenshin, pausing a moment to inspect the doll. "That...it looks a bit like..._me_."

"It's a Battousai Voodoo plushie™ gone wrong."

"Oh! Anyway, At this point Sano was so wrapped up in what she was saying that he didn't notice Yahiko-chan coming behind him with a..."

"...HUGE bloody anvil! I swear!"

"So it just...fell from the sky?"

"Maybe if I added some more pepper?"

"Usui-san, for the last time! That's _gunpowder!_"

"Dammnit, Battousai, will you shut up!? It's **my** turn!"

"That's _Kenshin,_" corrected...umm...Kenshin.

"Arrrghhh!!"

So we now close another chapter on this wonderfully psychotic group of psycho psychopaths (collectively termed as the Jupongattana), and will (hopefully) meet them all again in the near future.

Sheesh, how much cornier can an ending get?

"It's my turn!"

**The end**

Ta-daah!!

Finally completed this stupid thing! God bless everyone who helped me out with all that info about the jupongattana! Sorry about not being able to separate sections of this story properly. i think i've edited this stpid doc. at least five times! The begining of a new para/section is denoted by : - (ta)

Now the only thing left to do is review, and I leave that up to you.

REVIEW, DAMNIT!!

pu


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